The Smiths had no children due to the husband's medical problems, and
     decided
     to use a proxy father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was
     to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be
     here soon".
     
     Half an hour later, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell,
     hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam. You don't know me but I've come
     to..."
     
     "Oh, no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in.
     
     "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! I've made a specialty of
     babies."
     
     "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat.
     Just
     where do we start?" asked Mrs. Smith, blushing.
     
     "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch
     and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too;
     you can really spread out."
     
     "Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me."
     
     "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try
     several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure
     you'll be pleased with the results."
     
     "I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs. Smith.
     
     "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and
     out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure."
     
     "Don't I know!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed.
     
     The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby
     pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus in downtown London."
     
     "Oh my word!!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief.
     
     "And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider their
     mother
     was so difficult to work with." The photographer handed Mrs. Smith the
     picture.
     
     "She was difficult?"
     
     "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job
     done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a
     good look."
     
     "Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in amazement.
     
     "Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours too. The mother
     was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly concentrate. Then
     darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the
     squirrels
     began nibbling on my equipment I just packed it all in."
     
     Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "You mean they actually chewed on your, er..,
     um.., ah.... equipment?"
     
     "That's right. Well, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to
     work."
     
     "Tripod??" Mrs. Smith looked extremely worried now.
     
     "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for
     me to hold while I'm getting ready for action. Madam? Madam? Oh My, she's
     fainted!!"