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The British Virgin Islands |
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OnePaper
Community Edition |
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May 20th, 2013 |
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Recall Notice The Maker of all human beings is recalling all units manufactured, regardless of make or year, due to the serious defect in the primary and central component of the heart. This is due to a malfunction in the original prototype units code named Adam and Eve, resulting in the reproduction of the same defect in all subsequent units. This defect has been technically termed, Sub sequential Internal Non-morality, or more commonly known as SIN, as it is primarily expressed.
Some other symptoms:
(a) Loss of direction
(b) Foul vocal emissions
(c) Amnesia of origin
(d) Lack of peace and joy
(e) Selfish, or violent behavior
(f) Depression or confusion in the mental component
(g) Fearfulness
(h) Idolatry
(i) Rebellion
The Manufacturer, Who is neither liable nor at fault for this defect, is providing factory authorized repair and service free of charge to correct this SIN defect.
The Repair Technician, Jesus has most generously offered to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs. There is no additional fee required.
The toll number to call for repair in all areas is:
P-R-A-Y-E-R. Once connected, please upload your burden of SIN through the REPENTANCE Procedure.
Next, download ATONEMENT from the Repair Technician, Jesus, into the heart component. No matter how big or small the S IN defect is, Jesus will replace it with:
(a) Love
(b) Joy
(c) Peace
(d) Patience
(e) Kindness
(f) Goodness
(g) Faithfulness
(h) Gentleness
(i) Self-control
Please see the operating manual, HOLY BIBLE, for further details on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct monitoring and assistance from a resident Maintenance Technician, The Holy Spirit.
Repaired units need only make him welcome, and He will take up permanent residence on the premises!
WARNING: Continuing to operate the human being unit without correction voids the Manufacturer's warranty, exposing the units to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will result in the human unit being permanently impounded.
For free emergency service, call on JESUS.
DANGER: The human being units not responding to this Recall Action will have to be scrapped in the furnace.
The SIN defect will not be permitted to enter Heaven so as to prevent contamination of that facility.
Thank you for your attention. Please assist where possible by notifying others of this important Recall Notice.
Stop telling GOD how big your storm is. Instead tell the storm how BIG your GOD is'
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Moving Thoughts
The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. Happiness lives for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried, for only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives.
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Dust if you must
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Happy Father's Day
A young father-to-be was pacing back and forth, wringing his hands in the hospital corridor while his wife was in labor. He was tied up in knots of fear and anxiety, and beads of perspiration dropping from his brow revealed the agony of his suffering. Finally, at 4 a.m. a nurse popped out of a door and said, "Well, sir, you have a little girl" He dropped his hands, became limp, and said, "Oh, how I thank God it's a girl. She'll never have to go through the awful agony I've had tonight".
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A Happy Mothers Day to all women everywhere
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12 The Holy Bible (New International Version)
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If only I knew
Especially for Kathy S of Massachusets, who wrote to the BVI Review and all those who lost their loved one in Sunday, March 17,2002 boating accident
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k
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